Looking back...

Ferijen has put together an interesting list of what she’s been doing over the last few years.

I considered doing something of the same. It’s a little scary though. Do I really want to re-examine all the things that have made me who I am? After all, I spend a fair amount of time trying very hard not to do that.

So I guess it’s good for me. So here goes. A potted history of some of the things that make me me.

*********************************************************************************

This time 10 years ago I was year 10 I think. GCSE year 1. Reasonably happy and trying to work out who I was. I’m still trying to work that one out.


This time 8 years ago I’d discovered drink. On and was overworking on 4 A levels. One of which I later dropped when school friends reminded me that living on coffee and proplus was bad. I’ve come so far….


This time 5 years ago I was in second year uni. I was beginning to understand what it meant to be chair of Cathsoc and looking forward to passing on the mantle because I’d had enough and Alice had had to support me a lot through the year. Graham once told me off for describing the vice-chair’s role as ‘a shoulder for the chair to cry on’. Perhaps it wasn’t the best role description ever; certainly not for advertising purposes. I was living with the Chickens who are still wonderful people and friends although I’m not sure that I really miss the physical nature of the house. Particularly those slugs on the carpet.


This time 4 years ago I was going downhill with depression. By this point it was obvious to some people but not others. I was eventually diagnosed in January after failing a few exams. Not a good time. And not a time I can remember a lot of at the moment to be honest. However all in all I seem to be stable now so hey, it does improve. Well, Stable in the sense of ‘if you give me chocolate it’s all fine’ ;-) Can't believe it was 4 years ago! Time flies!


So, this time last year, I’d been working for a year and a bit. I’d started working on a suite of work that I’m still working on and had come across the beautiful software that still causes me much grief today. I’d also just met some really nice people in the office who I hadn’t met before and who I now value as very good friends to me. I also began the weekly task of talking several of them out of leaving the company because’ it’s not that bad’. Thus earning my title of counsellor. The company still hasn’t provided training for that. And I’m still better at telling other people why to stay and what to do than telling myself.

Outside of work I was wondering what to do with the newly developed spare time I’d been given by not living on the M40. Today I’m not sure what I did with it. I was, as I still am, living with H, H and A. I think I was coping.


And now… I’m doing too much, not sleeping enough, and generally not quite getting the work/life/God balance anywhere near right. Life has gone mad but is generally calming down. And my manager just signed my leave form. Oh yes.

Life is good. I just don’t give myself enough time to appreciate it.