Looking back...

Ferijen has put together an interesting list of what she’s been doing over the last few years.

I considered doing something of the same. It’s a little scary though. Do I really want to re-examine all the things that have made me who I am? After all, I spend a fair amount of time trying very hard not to do that.

So I guess it’s good for me. So here goes. A potted history of some of the things that make me me.

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This time 10 years ago I was year 10 I think. GCSE year 1. Reasonably happy and trying to work out who I was. I’m still trying to work that one out.


This time 8 years ago I’d discovered drink. On and was overworking on 4 A levels. One of which I later dropped when school friends reminded me that living on coffee and proplus was bad. I’ve come so far….


This time 5 years ago I was in second year uni. I was beginning to understand what it meant to be chair of Cathsoc and looking forward to passing on the mantle because I’d had enough and Alice had had to support me a lot through the year. Graham once told me off for describing the vice-chair’s role as ‘a shoulder for the chair to cry on’. Perhaps it wasn’t the best role description ever; certainly not for advertising purposes. I was living with the Chickens who are still wonderful people and friends although I’m not sure that I really miss the physical nature of the house. Particularly those slugs on the carpet.


This time 4 years ago I was going downhill with depression. By this point it was obvious to some people but not others. I was eventually diagnosed in January after failing a few exams. Not a good time. And not a time I can remember a lot of at the moment to be honest. However all in all I seem to be stable now so hey, it does improve. Well, Stable in the sense of ‘if you give me chocolate it’s all fine’ ;-) Can't believe it was 4 years ago! Time flies!


So, this time last year, I’d been working for a year and a bit. I’d started working on a suite of work that I’m still working on and had come across the beautiful software that still causes me much grief today. I’d also just met some really nice people in the office who I hadn’t met before and who I now value as very good friends to me. I also began the weekly task of talking several of them out of leaving the company because’ it’s not that bad’. Thus earning my title of counsellor. The company still hasn’t provided training for that. And I’m still better at telling other people why to stay and what to do than telling myself.

Outside of work I was wondering what to do with the newly developed spare time I’d been given by not living on the M40. Today I’m not sure what I did with it. I was, as I still am, living with H, H and A. I think I was coping.


And now… I’m doing too much, not sleeping enough, and generally not quite getting the work/life/God balance anywhere near right. Life has gone mad but is generally calming down. And my manager just signed my leave form. Oh yes.

Life is good. I just don’t give myself enough time to appreciate it.

Company wide Emails.

Every now and again an email comes out to the whole UK company. It is generally treated as it deserves. Below is today’s example. To clarify it went out to 1500 people this afternoon. And doesn't have a whole lot to do with the business. I've left the grammer alone.

EMAIL 1

Dear All,

I am currently considering to buy a flueless gas fire for a living room. The chimney breast and flue having been removed by the previous owner of the house.

I would be interested to hear comments from anyone who has such a fire, or knows anyone with one.

I have doubts about possible problems with condensation.

EMAIL 2

you could leave a window open

or buy another house with a chimney - that's what I done.

Life is so complicated.

F9 to refresh my email
F5 to refresh explorer and get up to the moment cricket scores.

F5 in my email clears all my data and asks me for a password. Which I have done about a million times this morning.

And after all that it’s a draw.

Oxford.

I went to see my friend Alice this weekend.

I arrived in Oxford a mere two hours later than I'd originally intended due to sleeping in (which was probably good for me. I know this really)

Alice suggested we walked down the river to a nice pub. Now this really is a plan that I can't fault. We weren't really expecting the walk to be a beautiful as it was. And then at the pub I learnt how to use the camera on my phone. Downloading the photos was another matter entirely. I bluetoothed them to Alice's Mac as my home PC is too antiquated to let me install the phone connection software onto. I suspect this means that I NEED a new PC so we spent a happy half hour later that evening comparing laptops on the web.

But anyway, the pub was gorgeous. I remember being there years ago with my grandparents. You might think that this weekend with its freezing temperatures is a little too cold to be sitting outside. Let me tell you that with a good glass of mulled wine (or maybe two) that is really not the case.

So here are some pictures of the walk. As we walked back the fog was rolling in beneath a lovely sunset. Would have been quite romantic if Alice hadn't developed an evil cackle laugh half way home. ah well.

I can't help it, I spent the time Alice was at the bar working out the discontinuity losses of this. I am VERY VERY sad. For the non-engineer that's the energy loss factors of the water)

oh look, I've learnt how to do panoramic photos. This is the Trout pub in Oxford. A really nice pub.

The view from the path we took.

There be dragons.. err.. I mean ducks. Ducks can be quite dragon like though.

Cows in the mist. According to Alice this is far preferable to cows on the footpath as we'd previously encountered. Apparently I didn't help with my comment "ooh, look, small cows". I am informed that they were enormous and scary. Maybe the cows are the dragons.


We got back to Alice's and watched CSI, drank beer, and Alice cooked the most amazing food. Mmmm. She is such a good cook. I can't remember the name of the dish but it was a typical Malaysian breakfast dish. A little too spicy and complex for breakfast I think, but that's just my opinion. When I was over there we did have curry and that early morning too. Guess it's the culture difference thing.

But anyway, the food: noodles, with chicken bits, egg, beansprouts, and seafood (prawns, muscles and squid) in a soup of chilli and stuff. Absolutely great. Apparently Alice is happy to feed me weird food as she knows I'll give it a try. This is good. All I need to do now is learn how to cook so that I can return the favour when she comes over here. It's my new aim. Eating and cooking properly (as in preparing interesting dishes, and enjoying eating them) How hard can it be..?

After dinner we went to a 'bop' at one of the colleges because 'someone' was DJing there and Alice had us on the guest list. I've remembered why college parties are things you stop doing. If you want to dance to M C Hammer in no space at all and spend half the night queuing for drinks then it's great. Actually I did have fun even though I made Alice go home early. I just can't cope with staying out till 2am. I'm getting old.

The journey home is was beset by a question. To summarise the answer which I repeated often in the half hour walk; 'Yes, he seemed to like you. No I couldn't see his face; you were in the way' (That should suitably embarrass Alice.)

Sunday morning involved getting up, having a full fry up (mmm) and pottering along to the Oxford Chaplaincy for mass. Didn't really know what to expect as Oxford seems to be full of quite high churches. The mass was really good though. Perhaps a little too much incense, but to be fair to them they were in a big hall with a high ceiling so it wasn't too bad. There was a really nice feel to the mass and the preacher had some interesting things to say. The bit that caught my attention was the phrase 'The kingdom can be found in the heart of a devout believer'. That's not the whole statement, but it's an image I like. The whole talk was about the way in which the kingdom is proclaimed and visualised today, in 2005. I'd expected to be blinded by Academics. Instead, I was challenged to think, and actually spend a little more time being aware of the religious politics type things. If I'm not careful I'm going to have to subscribe to the tablet. Maybe I should do that anyway. Although, it's a little heavy

So anyway, on the way back from mass we accidentally went shopping. But I need NEED clothes so that's all right.

All in all a great weekend. I should do relaxing stuff more often.

This is painfully true.

Sometimes you get a forward that is just too true. My thanks to Jeremy for this one.

You know you have been in the Red Cross for too long when...

• You've put more into the training night tea kitty than you have into your pension.
• You no longer watch sporting events to see the scores but to see how the medical crews handle the accidents.
• You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors".
• Your Hi-Viz is no longer Day-Glo yellow but faded in the sun to dishwater white.
• You stop looking at clothing for fashion, and look at it for function and durability.
• Reflective clothing patches become a searched-for fashion plus.
• Your Christmas wish list only includes items from Britcross, SP and Laerdal catalogues.
• You have a pet name for your defib.
• Your spouse/partner has his/her hands on you but it's to practice body checks, not passion.
• Matters of the heart refer to CPR and not romance.
• You put your shoes on as soon as your home phone rings.
• You refer to "Blues & Twos", "999" and "Casualty" as "educational television".
• Your greatest fear in life involves a pregnant woman shouting; "IT'S COMING!"

You know you have been on duty for too long when...

• You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "it's really quiet".
• Your idea of a great meal is one that's warm.
• You've been thinking up ways to convert a wheelchair into a dune buggy.
• You get very, very scared when a child is "too" quiet.
• You are convinced that the amount of complaining by a patient is inversely proportional to how sick they are.
• You've ever said (to anyone) "so, did you find the finger?"
• You've ever wanted to put a notice in the First Aid post saying: "If you are moody, irritable or just plain rude, there will be a £10 surcharge for putting up with you".
• You automatically multiply by two the answer to the question "how many drinks did you have today?"
• You automatically multiply by three the answer to the question "how many cigarettes did you have today?"
• Your own dog won't let you into the family house because it no longer recognises you.
• You won't let your own dog into the family house because you no longer recognise it.
• You are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day.
• Your greatest fear in life involves a pregnant woman shouting, "IT'S COMING!"

The next question you should be asking is 'so why do you do Red Cross then?'
That's a good question.
Why do I do Red Cross..? ;-)

Must be something to do with the people involved, helping people, and working for an organisation that believes in Humanity, Impartiality, Neutrality, Independence, Voluntary service, Unity and Universality

Youth are like hedgehogs.

Profound words from my Solutions manager.

Kinda prickly and you don’t want to go too close cos you might hurt yourself. Young people give you colds; hedgehogs are spiky. And young people can also be spiky in their own special way. Like when you ask them to do something.

This follows a discussion of why half the office are off sick. We’re blaming it on the toddlers.

WE WILL remember

Let us pledge ourselves anew to the service of God and our fellow men and
women: that we may help, encourage, and comfort others, and support those working for the relief of the needy and for the peace and welfare of the nations.

Lord God our Father, we pledge ourselves to serve you and all mankind,
in the cause of peace, for the relief of want and suffering, and for the praise
of your name. Guide us by your Spirit; give us wisdom; give us courage; give us
hope; and keep us faithful now and always. Amen.

The above is a quote from the Remeberance day service.

Today we processed through Wokingham to remember and to show respect for all those who have died in war. It's one of the only times that we wear the dress uniform for Red Cross. And it's probably the only time that it really is appropriate to have the right hat and shoes etc. There weren't many people there to watch who weren't in the parade itself, and most of the town probably didn't know that it happened at all. But it was right that we were there. That the parade happened and that wreathes were laid at the memorial.

At mass this morning the scouts reminded us that 1968 has been the only year since 1939 when noone from the forces has died in war. I don't know where that stat comes from or if it's true. But as the scouts prayed this morning: Lord, Give us more 1968s.

GARGH!

I've just been reading through a couple of blogs.

Why oh why can't people think about what they type. The BBC and the Times websites may be usefuresearchch sites but not on their own! Never ever use just one source to base an opinion on! It's madness! And please if you're going to link to a vaguely political site then state something about whether actuallyully agree with it or are just tying to be ironic.

And just when I was about to decide that maybe the stereotypes of Americans were unfair.

Right. I've got that out of my system for the moment.

In other news life is 'interesting'. I'm hoping to work out which way is up shortly. I mean how hard can it be?
In better news my Firefly boxset arrived. Happiness :-)

I got asked an interesting question yesterday.

I was in Birmingham yesterday representing my company at recruitment fair. Major news of the trip – Newman house, the catholic chaplaincy now has a dishwasher – Praise the Lord – prayers answered!)

While I was there, and over a Balti, a current Birmingham Cathsoc member asked me how I knew that God wants me in Reading. As opposed to, say, Africa.

As I was applying to uni and later studying for the degree I always imagined that at some point I would use those skills in places where they are really needed. Maybe going out with the VSO. Obviously you need experience for that so it was always a long term thingy. Except I’m beginning to get that experience but I’m not considering going to the VSO website. Well, not much I’m not (and if I’m honest, I don’t yet have the kind of experience I’d need. Getting there but not just yet).

So why am I so sure I should be in Reading? I seem to be involved in lots of stuff. There seems to be amazing stuff going on across the town. There is also terrifying stuff going on as we start to see gun crime and violence becoming more and more prominent in a way that it really wasn’t 10 years ago (and that’s without the rose tinted glasses too). There’s so much that needs doing in Reading, and occasionally I kid myself into thinking I’m indispensable. I’m useful, but Reading would still be here without me.

So why am I so sure that I need to be here?
I’m not sure at all.

I could go anywhere, but I do kinda like it here. One day I’m going to have enough money to live in two whole rooms instead of one, but other than that I’m happy enough. Why move? God does seem to use me here, and despite the fact that I really don’t spend enough time with him he still lets me play.

So I’m here in Reading for no better reason than because I’m not somewhere else. Currently it’s wet cold and miserable so I’d far rather be somewhere else. But I’m honoured to be able to work with the people I do (both professionally and not) and to be able to get to know an awesome bunch of people, and have fun all at the same time. How many people can claim that?

Maybe eventually I’ll put down some deeper roots. Maybe one day I’ll learn to appreciate what I have that little bit more and stop faffing. Now that really would be a miracle.