discrimination

"The dosing pumps are not man enough for the pressures required"

So now we have sexual discrimination of pumps! What is the world coming to.

I wonder if I can take legal action on their behalf. I’d probably need them to sign something though, and I don’t think pumps can sign things… oh no, I’ve discriminated on grounds of disability….

It doesn't look like me, and I no-one called Bob phones me..... but other than that this cartoon is all about me!  

Apparently there's an election coming...?

At last, a manifesto that makes sense.... unfortunately, that's why I know it's not a good idea to vote for them... Ahving said that, this is brilliant:

"We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks."

Take a look for yourself....

Monster Raving Loony Party Manifesto

Boggle boggle boggle

Today at work someone is advertising a double bed It is advertised as "a double bed with headboard and storage in very good conduction"

Good conduction?

The mind boggles.

Boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle boggle

Google is conservative?

Isn't this what they want? No more europe?

follow the link and scroll east...

http://maps.google.com/

Feeling lightheaded

"There’s something different about you today"
"You’re looking a bit different"
"Have you had your hair cut?"

The observational skills in this office are impressive, as, yes, I have had my hair cut. It’s about 3 to 4 inches shorter than it was on Friday. I’d anticipated comment, but not office wide discussion… The secretary has been heard to comment that she likes it so that’s ok. I can breath easy now. She’s not said it to my face though… (is that good or bad?)

The comments about maybe it’s the reason why I’m asleep this morning is a little more disturbing, (Like Sampson I apparently lost my strength along with my hair) and serve to demonstrate the randomness of the people in this office and their state of boredom at present.

Unfortunately, the theory that if they didn’t recognise me they couldn’t give me any nasty work to do has been proved wrong. Ah well, better luck next time…

Alleluia!

They've replaced my phone! And it beeps and everything! wooooo!

It's only taken 2 weeks. Lets just say that three customer service is better than O2, but they don't do joined up thinking.

And don't even think about getting an LG phone. Not now, not ever. They just don't work.

snowbbq.

bbqsnow

bsnowq.

snobbqow

Nope. Whichever way you say it it makes no sense.

This weekend I was helping with a scout camp. (Because I don't have enough things to do in my 'spare' time as it is...) I was there to help with catering for the core team.

It was a scout camp called Nemesis 3 for all the scouts in Berkshire. There were about 250 scouts plus associated leaders. The idea was that the scouts went round doing all sorts of exciting activities sich as climbing, caving, sub-aqua, firemaking, woggle making, tie dying, pioneering.... etc etc etc.

On Friday night as they all arrived we were running a BBQ to feed them. Great. A BBQ for 300+ people. Makes sense. Logical.

Except for that funny white stuff that kept falling from the sky. Some might call it snow. Some might call it sleet.

Whatever way you say it BBQ and snow are not an ideal combination.

Was fun though. And scouts are indeed resourseful... It's the first time I've seen people make a roller blind door out of excess bog roll....

Which Muskehound are you?

I'm Juliette! I might look as if butter wouldn't melt in my mouth, but in fact I'm brave, clever and resourceful. Friends know they can trust me with their most important secrets; enemies underestimate me at their peril.

I like the sound of that....

Find out which one you are..... on this link...
Which muskehound are you?

Karol Wojtyla

RIP John Paul II.

Whether you agree with his theology or not, you can't disagree that John Paul II was a good man who stood up for what he believed. Religious or secular - you can't ask for more than that.

He's with God now, and I'm happy for him. Now we need to pray for the rest of us left on earth to listen to the Lord and hear what he wants us to do. This is the first time I'll know a change of Pope. We live in intersting times.

RIP.

hmmmmm?

It must be Easter. The new phone list is bright yellow.

I wonder if it’s yellow to symbolise the light of the world that Easter is all about..? I must remember to ask the secretary….

Gardening

An interesting concept is gardening. You pull out the pretty little flowers because they have been designated as weeds. But you leave in the ugly monstrosities that are apparently ‘meant’ to be there. Those are generally the really spiky plants that really hurt if you sit on them.

My brother decided the best way to cope was to pull out everything, examine the roots, and then put the important looking ones back in the ground.

I went for the talking to the plants option. If they didn’t answer they must be bad. However, as Alan pointed out I was even less likely to get a response from a dead plant from a live one..

So despite my efforts, the Grandparents’ back garden does look a lot better.

Today I have learnt an important lesson.

Never ever ever let anyone over 30 near any kind of software. And more importantly, don’t tell them what the software might actually be able to do. Keep it a mystery.

Otherwise they start to get ideas.

And then it’s chaos.

They think that they can do what you can do, when it has been carefully planned that they can’t because they’ll cause chaos if they it. As a result, the cause chaos because they don’t have it.

So essentially… They cause chaos.

That’s all we need to know.

Just let them have paper and pencil. Absolutely nothing else. And whatever you do don’t try to explain that they need to do QA on that paper…. (Let alone H&S on the pencil….)

Making Poverty History

Go on, follow the link.... Click on the band in the corner.....

Launderettes

In Eastenders EVERYTHING happens in the launderette. Mainly however they fall in love in there. So what I really need in life is a launderette. Without a launderette how can I hope to find a man…?

Lasagne.

I went up to Birmingham this weekend. And it was mad. There are many other words that could be used to describe the weekend, but in all honesty none of them quite hit the nail on the head.

I was staying with Lindsey Chicken. Lindsey is great, if not a tad random. There are many entertaining moments from this weekend, however the best has to be the cooking.

We decided to cook lasagne for some of the other chickens on Saturday night. We got half way through..we'd made the bolognaise sauce without too many problems. Well, if you ignore the fact that the lid fell off the pepper and half a jar of whole peppercorns fell into the sauce... But ignoring that it was going well...

At which point Lindsey remembers an important piece of information.

The oven doesn't work.

right.

This could make things interesting.

How would you cook lasagne without an oven?!

We decided to pre cook the lasagne and then heat it through in the grill. Obviously this was far more sensible than just doing spaghetti bolognaise. Obviously. uh huh.

now if you've ever tried to pre cook lasagne then you'll know how complicated it can be. We ended up with Lasagne stuck to the pan, lasagne hadging form the collander till we needed it, lasagne on the floor.... Lasagne pretty much everywhere... coupled with a sudden realisation that the cheese sauce really didn't taste of cheese, or indeed white sauce, or indeed much other than flour.

Now as you can imagine when you put two chickens in such a situation it's going to get worse. In this case it got worse by our guests arriving and seeing the state we'd got into before we could hide it all and pretend nothing untoward had happened.

It actually tasted alright in the end, unless you bit into a peppercorn. And the burnt tang from teh white sauce gave a BBQ sauce hint to the event...

And Lasagne is a simple dish to do....

We were laughing so much that we didn't hear the doorbell... I haven't laughed so much or so uncontrollably in a very log time! It was great!

Heaven

I’ve just had a vaguely profound conversation, and I’m recording it here so that I can’t forget it….

We were discussing God, and how are relationships with him is ever important, and in constant need of work. However, it doesn’t seem to matter how hard you work at it, there is always that feeling of hollowness from time to time. The feeling leads you to forget to pray, or to search for human relationships to fill the gap.

We realised that the hollowness feeling that you notice sometimes, even when you are feeling close to God is due to the fact that while God is physically present with us, he’s not actually physically there to touch directly. So feeling apart form God, and as though you’re missing something important isn’t something that you can do anything about. It’s the gap that will be filled when we (hopefully) make it to Heaven.

It's all gonna be ok...

ok, i give up.... I've got the message. I will now try to stop complaining all the time.

I complain about my job.
I pray about my job.
Millions of amazing oppourtunities appear all at once, and people are nice to me at work.

coincidence? I don't think so....


Coupled with that some of my course mates were emailing round Christmas greetings today. I think I've got it far better than I thought. Very few people seem thrilled by their jobs, but I haven't been asked to take a pay cut, threatened with redundancy, or become completely and utterly demotivated. See, I'm only slightly demotivated, and even that seems to be changing since this praying thigy wotsit...

when will I learn? God answers prayer. I know that. I tell other people to pray! I should really listen to my own advice that little bit sooner shouldn't I! Ah well, better late than never I guess!

WOOHOO!

How cool is God?

Just had the best confession! :-)

God is generally cool.

murder mystery

I am my own person! I am not my mother! I am not Charlie! I am individual! Unique! So it was perhaps unfortunate that at Jen’s murder mystery party I bumped into Charlie for the first time in…err…. When did I last see her..? I’ve a horrible feeling it might have been Greg’s funeral… surely I’ve seen her between then and now.. How did that happen..?

Anyway…. We were both playing men in the murder systery. (I was meant ot be camp. I didn't find it to hard to let my feminine side show through)We both have fancy new phones. The same phones. On the same contract. Having left the same contracts with our old phone companies at the same time(which incidentally were the same company last time too) . The new phones have the same ring tone. Ok, as if that wasn’t bad enough we’re both taking the same time off work etc for Christmas, and both played best friends in the party….

The fact that we can be so similar just highlights how different we are in so many other respects. When we were at school it didn’t surprise people when we did similar things at the same time. But now that we’re still doing it despite rarely seeing each other is a bit more random. You can tell we grew up together. It’s kinda weird. She took life one way. I took another. As paths go they’re not so different. Just one involves God, and one involves security guards. Maybe one day she’ll come back to the God side of things. She herself will tell you that God hasn’t given up on her. Even she can see it... acting on it, now there's another concept entirely...

So that was an interesting evening. Good fun though. Steve did it! It was him! Ahem.